"Hi Fidelity," is a movie that I kept hearing "You gotta go see." About the wacky lives of those that'd work in the sordid denziens of used record stores. Good enough theme, right? Beware: this movie is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen in my life! It looks promising enough with some cool songs at the opening but rapidly becomes just this guy telling you about all his stupid girlfriend problems. Like he is a guy and some of his relationships she ends, and some he ends. Alright, so you're a big het, who cares? Why rub it in my face?
The film has far too many close ups of his ugly mug with maybe an eighth dedicated to the record store scenes. It is like "Porkys" for the 20 yr olders, but without the humor. I didn't care about any of his boring hot chicks, which is all he ever talked about. They'd have entire scenes where they'd just talk about each other, like I cared. If my friend just went on and on about his girlfriend problems I'd tell him to shut up. I don't do that to him. It's 'specially boring coming from a boring guy who's 'sposed to be talking about records. At one poignant point I remember waking up cuz the audience had just laughed. MY friend Alexis told me he asked the girl if the new boyfriend was better than him in bed. I tried to go back to sleep but my nap was now ruined.
They finally they get around to a scene in the used record store where a group of really ugly guys tell a hot chick the simularities between GREEN DAY and STIFF LITTLE FINGERS. I was quite embarresed to realize that Alex and I had begun openly hooting the film. Snobby record store geeks really like to listen to EARLY Stevie Wonder. No wonder I was told to go. I'm a Dj! I used to work at a used record store. Someone even told me "I was in the movie." I din't see me! All I kept thinking about was what a nice night is was and how much better it would be to be out walking down the street than sitting here in the Harvard Sq Theater where it is approximatley one mile to the mens room.
Man, these new crops of flicks from America really betray how shallow the landscape is out there. These characters never make reference to any world outside themselves, except maybe an some stupid tv show reference. How did audiences get used to this? That guy is aggressively boring. When did that become fun to view?
After an insufferable hour of pointless dialouge, I finally walked. It was after one scene where he is victorious scoring some chick and you know what the song they underscore is? That's right, "We are the champions." That's by Queen y'know. I forget what album.How truly visionary. Bet y never heard that in a film before.
That's why the billboard on the way out exclaims how utterly groundbreaking it is. They have all these guys, ya know, Rolling stone and Roger Ebert giving it all sorts of thumbs up. It was a huge placard filled with words like your going to stand there and read the whole thing. And the guy, who I thought was just some local shmoe from the Chicago scene turns out to be a famous actor! His name is John Cusak. Alex told me what other films he was in.
But I'd blame the writer. That was the worst script since "Rushmore." If they didn't want to start completley over, they shoulda at least tried to punch it up a bit before handing it to that poor actor of moderate abilities to have to go and learn all those lines.