Discovering The Golden Palace

Did you know that there was a Golden Girls spin-off in the early nineties called The Golden Palace? Broadcast on CBS, it starred three of the original elderly gals (Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty), with vital supporting roles filled by Cheech Marin and Don Cheadle, the latter best known for his Academy Award nominated role in Hotel Rwanda.

The premise of this attempt to capitalize on the NBC program's success was that after Bea Arthur's character had remarried, the remaining seniors sold their house and bought a hotel in South Beach. While it only lasted one season, that touchy-feely feminine cable channel Lifetime has decided to bank on one of its core demographics and do a limited nightly re-run of the show's 24 forgotten episodes in August and September.

The other night I caught the "Christmas" episode, where the Scrooge-like Marin is visisted by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, played by the trio of spinsters. Throughout this program's duration, I was reminded just how much I fucking loathe sitcoms. These days I can barely sit through the first few minutes of any of these prime time pap smears whose hyperformulaic, paint-by-numbers style could be replicated in a few short hours by a diapered chimp with an eight ball and a banana-yellow laptop. While some of these so-called "writers" think that having a remotely unique premise will save them from the bin of mediocrity, nearly every one rests on gelatin pillars of remarkable sloth with their predictable plots, excruciating one-liners and canned laughter. YOUR WACKY NEIGHBOR(S) WILL NOT SAVE YOU. TEENAGERS SNEAKING OUT OF HOUSES OR STEALING/WRECKING CARS IS NOT FUNNY. WHAT? IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING? YOU MEAN 'CHARACTER A' JUST OVERREACTED? WOW THAT IS A RIOT! And of all of the grievous sins that can be committed in a situation comedy, none is greater than the Christmas episode.

So fuck off to the makers of The Golden Palace and all other comedy shows that opt to be this agonizing to watch. May your dreams and genitals be doused with gasoline before being set ablaze.